


This was supposed to be a fun videogame night

by Aleko



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Feelings Jams, Gen, Mentions of Suicide, No Incest, Past Abuse, Past Unhealthy Relationship, Striders have problems but that's okay because they love each other, Time Travel, angst I suppose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 11:36:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14307816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleko/pseuds/Aleko
Summary: “You’re not playing like always.” Dirk left the controller on the table in front of them. “What’s on your mind?”Dave opened his mouth to answer but closed it anyways. Looking down to the table, he also left the controller.“I was just… thinking.”Dirk was still watching him with what Dave knew was worry. He sighed and relaxed himself against the couch they were sitting. He stared at the ceiling.“I had luck. I was on the correct timeline.”Dirk leaned back on the couch too, knowing it was going to be a long conversation and waited for Dave.





	This was supposed to be a fun videogame night

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  I'm supposed to be writing for my Osomatsu fic but here I am, writing for 4/13. Stupid Homestuck feelings. Stupid love for stupid Striders.  
>   
> Enjoy this fic, thank you.  
> 

  


Dave kept pushing the buttons. The images on the screen kept moving. He was losing. Suddenly, the videogame stopped moving and he looked at his right in slow movements.  
  
“What’s up, bro?” He simply said with a stoic yet tired voice.  
  
Dirk looked at him for five solid seconds before saying anything.  
  
“You’re not playing like always.” Dirk left the controller on the table in front of them. “What’s on your mind?”  
  
Dave opened his mouth to answer but closed it anyways. Looking down to the table, he also left the controller.  
  
“I was just… thinking.”  
  
Dirk was still watching him with what Dave knew was worry. He sighed and relaxed himself against the couch they were sitting. He stared at the ceiling.  
  
“I had luck. I was on the correct timeline.”  
  
Dirk leaned back on the couch too, knowing it was going to be a long conversation and waited for Dave.  
  
“I kept seeing dead Daves back then. They were everywhere… And I still think about it sometimes, you know. Did they know they would die because their timeline was doomed? Did some of them sacrifice themselves to make our timeline work?” Dave rubbed his face with his hand. “If I had to risk my ass like that, would I do it? I know Sburb is over, that we won, but it still makes me scared… What if some of those me died for nothing? I messed so many timelines for some utterly stupid shit. How many Daves have I killed? And how many Roses, Johns or Jades?”  
  
Dave looked at his brother and saw his expressionless face.  
  
“I’m sorry, Dirk. We were going to have a videogame night and here I am. Talking about feelings like… No, sorry.”  
  
“No, it’s okay. You can talk about anything, Dave.” Dirk looked down and played with his thumbs. “I also think about your timeline. I messed a lot back there. I always mess things I guess, even if I try to help. I didn’t even raise you to being able to express yourself.”  
  
Dave frowned and glanced at him.  
  
“We’ve talked about this. You’re not Bro.”  
  
“But yes I am. I have everything to become him. I have all the traits and tendencies.” Dirk turned back at him. “But this is no time for this. Let’s talk about your doomed timelines.”  
  
Dave looked at Dirk for a few seconds before turning his head to the ceiling again. A clock was ticking on the background and he had just noticed it.  
  
“It’s nothing more than that. It’s simple as fuck. I’m a coward in comparison to the dead Daves. I’m not and wasn’t ready to die for the timeline.” Dirk waited for something more to be said. “I’ve already talked this with Karkat on the meteor, but he keeps denying everything, saying I had no room for choice on what happened but I think I could have done something. I could have been a hero but I was only pretending to be one.”  
  
“You could have done something else, yeah.” Dirk said roughly and Dave quickly looked at him. “But you didn’t. And now it’s in the past and it doesn’t matter. You would never know what could have happened. We have created a universe. We are gods loved by everyone. You have someone waiting for you to come home tomorrow. I can’t think a better outcome for you.”  
  
“That’s not what I mean…”  
  
“I know what you mean. You think you are a coward, but you have fought like everyone for this. We don’t know what the other Daves were thinking. Maybe they didn’t even know they were going to die. Maybe they tried to suicide.” Dirk stopped for a second and then continued to talk softer. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know how you could be a better player. You won the game. You saved your friends multiple times. You faced your fears. You are alive. You were not a coward, nor temerarious. If that’s not the definition of brave, I don’t know what it is.”  
  
Dave thought about it, trying to convince himself.  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
He needed time, Dirk knew.  
  
“But…” Dave wanted to change the subject of this chat. “Dirk, I’ve been thinking. About you, and Bro. About the similarities our versions had on the universes.”  
  
Dirk raised his eyebrows.  
  
“I thought. If you are gay, was he gay too?”  
  
“Probably.”  
  
“Then it’s very sad he taught me all that homophobic crap. Maybe if he grew up in other circumstances, he would have been more like you. Maybe then he wouldn’t have forced all that hyper masculinity shit on me. Before meeting you, on the meteor, I realized and accepted I was… abused and all that. But I never understood why. Was Bro that shitty and that’s it?” Dave rubbed his arms. “But then I met you. And then I started to see you like a real person, not like a ghost of him.” He looked at his brother. “I started to understand your motives and your attitudes and saw once again the similarities between you and him and… I hated you for some time.” Dirk was about to say something, but Dave kept talking. “I didn’t want to hate you, but you made Bro more human. He was a human like everyone else. The idea of a monster Bro that I built in my mind in the meteor started to crumble. Now I have accepted it. He was a human with his problems and he tried to help me and…”  
  
Dirk interrupted him.  
  
“Bro was human, but what he did to you was not right. He didn’t try to help you. He tried to fill his narcissistic desires to make you like he wanted to make you. I know it because I tried to do it before.”  
  
Dave closed his mouth firmly.  
  
“Dave, why do you think I broke with Jake? Because I was an asshole. I tried to “train” him like your Bro did to you. I couldn’t express my feelings like your Bro couldn’t. I tried to control everything like your Bro did with your life. The only difference between him and me is that I could try to amend things with him so we are friends now. He didn’t even try to fix things. He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness even if he was human.” Dave looked down to his hands. They were trembling.  
  
“But I want to forgive him. I want to continue with my life without the scars he made” Dave’s voice sounded annoyed and Dirk tried to think he wasn’t the cause of that. “I want to stop thinking about it. I want to live my life in peace with my past.”  
  
Dirk didn’t say anything.  
  
“I have to accept everything again.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s not your fault.” Dave sighed. “How do you feel about Jake now?”  
  
It was time for Dirk to sigh  
  
“We’re friends.”  
  
“You know what I mean. It’s your confession time, dude. If I had to do it, you too are screwed.”  
  
“I think I loved him romantically, but I turned that into obsession probably. It was the only male I have talked to in my entire life at the moment, so it was bound to be a disaster. I bullied him into dating me, I even made him kiss my severed head in front of Jane, his other love interest, for nothing. What a disaster. I was thinking only of me and my interests.”  
  
“But Jake doesn’t mind it anymore. Why don’t you try it again?”  
  
“Even if Jake had forgiven me, I can’t do it to myself. I had done too many things wrong in every form I could.”  
  
“You should be softer on yourself.”  
  
“That’s not the problem. The problem is that I hate being so narcissistic. I wish there wasn’t a me to push into everything”  
  
“Dirk.” Dave looked at his eyes behind his glasses. “We are working through this. Together. We’ll be healthier in the future. I promise. We’ll fix every toxic behavior. Just… don’t go anywhere, okay?” They both looked tired. “This was supposed to be a fun night.”  
  
“Yeah. Sorry.”  
  
“No. It’s okay. Not every night can be fun.”  
  
They picked the controllers again and resumed the game. Both of them lost to the NPC.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope they are IC and I conveyed the feeling well through the dialogue, it's my first time not using the narrator to express feelings.  
> Thank you for reading!  
> 


End file.
